It's time to talk about the how of it.

One of the most important things I ever did, aside from giving birth to my daughter, Jessie, was installing a set of alarm bells in her head when she was a little girl. Actually, what I did was tell her they were already there. I said that when she was on her own she should always listen for the alarm bells in her head that would go off and warn her when something was wrong. Whether it was a person, a situation, or a choice she had to make, she knew to listen for those alarm bells to ring when something inside her knew that things just weren't quite right. In other words, I told her to listen to her gut, and it not only helped her stay safe, it taught her to trust in her feelings. Jessie turns 30 in March, and she still tells me that her alarm bells go off from time to time.

I don't remember how I came up with the metaphor, but I knew from experience that the world was full of dangers and choices, and I knew that if she listened to her gut, she'd be a lot safer and stronger and better able to protect herself. There was a lot I didn't know, including most of the stuff below. Working on GE has helped me understand one of the reasons mothers often pine for grandchildren (or at least a reason I do): we understand so much more now than we did when our kids were born (hell, I was 17), and we want a chance to do a better job as grandparents—to do some good with all that knowledge. Plus, who doesn't love cuddling babies? 

Anyway...here are some girl empowerment tips that (along with her very own set of alarm bells installed by you) I think will help you empower the girl in your life. Some I've found in my research and others I've learned being a mother and being a girl. I hope you'll share yours in the comments section.

I think we all understand that too much tv isn't good for anyone. But the damage to girls happens on a number of levels. Television portrays women in many ways, most of which reinforce harmful stereotypes and/or set impossible standards. Television normalizes sexism by piping it into our homes 24/7 in ways we don't even notice. But our children do. Girls and boys alike learn from tv that women are of limited value in our society; that we are princesses, cougars, baby factories, and bitches, but not leaders.

Miss Representation, a documentary by Jennifer Siebel Newsom that aired on OWN in October 2011, looks at how media devalues women:
In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. While women have made great strides in leadership over the past few decades, the United States is still 90th in the world for women in national legislatures, women hold only 3% of clout positions in mainstream media, and 65% of women and girls have disordered eating behaviors.

When you must watch tv, spend some time during or afterward talking about how the program portrays women, men's attitudes toward and treatment of women, and the message the program is sending (e.g., if a man abuses a woman, is that act ultimately validated or are we meant to understand that the act was wrong?).

From Gina Shaw on MedicineNet.com: 
The Girls Inc./Harris poll found that most girls feel that they don't see "themselves" on television, and that the issues they're concerned about--like divorce, making friends, drugs, and sexuality--aren't being addressed in a way that speaks to them. "Whether it's TV, magazines, or music, being media critics together offers a real opportunity to have good discussions about the messages girls are getting in their real world," Johnston-Nicholson says.

Let your daughter get dirty. Children need to explore the world around them and be physically active. Science, nature, sports, arts, and crafts--all these important parts of growing up entail getting dirty.

--Kathleen Odean, Children's Librarian

It turns out, dirt can be good for kids. Scientists believe that babies put things in their mouths (covered in all manner of crud) in order to build immunities. (Anyone who has had a baby knows that they do that—they put all the things in their mouths.) Further to the point, studies have shown that contact with dirt makes you happy. And finally, your daughter needs the freedom to explore as much of the world as possible so she can find the One Thing.

When I was nine, my mom bought me a guitar. By the time I was ten I could play it well enough to teach myself songs off the radio, and before long I was making up my own songs. We moved to a new house that summer, and I was quite a novelty among the neighborhood kids, who would sit in a circle around me as I played. I felt confident, and life was pretty good.

Then school started and I got "bussed." My district was overcrowded, so I rode each day from the school all my friends attended to another where I knew no one. I hated the school, hated my teacher, made almost no friends.

My mom met with a school counselor to discuss my intense hatred of everything Roberts Elementary, and the counselor suggested that, given my interest in music, I might like to join the Chorus.

Everything changed for me the day I walked into that room. Twenty or so kids and a teacher whose name I forget, and for a couple of hours a day, all we did was sing. All of us together. I had never had so much fun in my entire life. When the teacher learned I played guitar, he invited me to bring mine and accompany the group on some songs. I was in heaven.

I had found my One Thing.

There were ups and downs. Lots of them. But during those formative years I had One Thing I loved to do and knew I did well, and I'm convinced that it gave me an edge. Whether it's a hobby, a club, a sport, a craft, a volunteer opportunity...help the girl in your life find the One Thing that really makes her happy, boosts her confidence, and gives her that edge when times are tough. 

I could—and will, in the future—go on and on. Our society has made some strides in restoring women's rights and power, but there is so much yet to do to create a culture in which girls don't have to struggle in order to become strong, confident women. And we're going to do some of that work here, I hope. Meanwhile, I'll leave you with the thought that came to me as I wrote this:

I've decided when I have a granddaughter, I'm going to teach her to respond to compliments on her beauty by saying, "Thank you, but I'm more than just a pretty face." Maybe if she says it often enough, they'll remember to praise her wit, her humor, her intelligence, and her achievements. 

Maybe if she says it often enough, she'll grow up believing it.